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I know that now but it took so long for me to realize it. I am so sorry for doing that to you.I held out telling the Feds what they wanted to hear from some perverted sense of loyalty to people that didn't care about me. They only cared about money, just as did I. But by holding out for them, I hurt you and our marriage and I forgot that my first loyalty should have been to us. I finally realized that one day about two weeks ago when I woke up late one morning after you had gone to work. I spent most of the day just sitting around feeling sorry for myself and wanting to talk to you. I waited for you to come home but fell asleep in the family room and slept right through dinner. You came home and had fixed something to eat but you apparently went back out later so when I finally woke, you had already gone again. I waited for you that evening but as usual went to bed so early that I was asleep when you came home. It occurred to me the next morning that I had gone a whole day and not. We started our usual dialogue once again and this continued until the end of November. Once again, the question of when we could finally see each other face-to-face arose. This time, I was a little cautious. What if I met him and he just disappeared again? I'd be very hurt and would probably never speak to him again. On the other hand, there was the chance that we could see each other and get a good relationship going or at least have a really good fuck buddy. That possibility outweighed all my other rational senses. I agreed to meet him but told him since I didn't have a car, he'd have to come to my side of town. He told me that was fine and that I would just have to tell him where we would meet or he could come pick me up from my house. I was already cutting it thin by agreeing to meet him and didn't want to press my luck by telling him where I lived just yet. I explained to him how to get to my house, which motel I wanted this rendezvous to commence at and what time to meet me..
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